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Allegedly from the U-Boot commander Oskar Kusch (contemporary 1940's joke):

What do the german people and a tapeworm have in common?


Both are surrounded by brown masses and in constant danger of being hauled off/out - In german the same word is used for hauling something out and hauling someone off.

Yes, he got sentenced to death (and one year in prison!) for this and other anti-Nazi sentiments shown as commander of U-154.

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Less a joke but funny german soldiers songs from WW2:


Wir sind vom Idiotenklub und laden herzlich ein.

Bei uns ist jeder gern gesehn, nur blöde muß er sein.

Bei uns geht die Parole um, seid doof bis in den Tod!

Und wer am allerdoofsten ist, wird Oberidiot.

We are from the club of idiots and offer heartfelt invitations.

Everyone can join us, you just have to be stupid.

Within our rank is the parole, be stupid even in death!

And who's the most stupid becomes head of all idiots.


Ich wollte mal und konnte nicht

und hatt ihn in der Hand.

Und bin dann voll Verzweiflung in

der Stube rumgerannt.

Und wollt so gern und könnt doch nicht,

das Loch war viel zu klein:

Es paßte nicht der Kragenknopf

ins Oberhemd hinein.

Once I had a urge, but it wasn't possible,

so I held it in my hand.

And ran in desperation

through the parlour.

The urge was great, but it was impossible,

the hole was much too small:

The collar stud didn't fit

into the shirt.

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