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Birthday time!


hecquaro
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Ok, right. I felt like this was missing. At the same time, I didn't yet finish a year, only went up to the first ones of the last exams, if that makes sense, so maybe that'll just happen?

 

I see two way of having that "event".

1) Easy way, on a fixed date for everybody. In that case, I suggest fairly early in the year so people can enjoy their gift. But not so early as to make it impossible to get the stats up a bit first.

2) Let the player choose at character creation OR (the semi flexible method) force the choice of selecting a birth augure (adding a couple that are for free, maybe even one that is falling outside of the schoolyear for a +1 bonus :)) and giving a relevant birthday in function.

 

Second thing. I am assuming non skills can be chosen for tests. That is:

-Parental approval

-Highest friendship

-Highest study level

 

Ok, on to the event itself :)

 

Main text

Rise and shine, birthday boy/girl! 13 (14?) years ago, your mum's struggle was finally over, and you were screaming at the daylight for the first time, ain't that cute.

 

Quick, quick, you jump up, quick, quick, you make your daily ablutions, being extra careful to be spotless all over. Good things come to good kids, as somebody kept saying to you in disapproving tones your whole childhood.

 

You dress, whip up a small glamour charm to get rid of a couple of misplaced spots, run out the door, kick it closed, jump two stairs at a time, finally get out to the most glorious sunrise you've ever seen. This is such a great day, man!

 

Happily greeting every soul you pass, a spring in your step, you make your way to the dining halls... and find out there's no queue waiting for you. The food never tasted better.

 

As you are about to chug down the last bite and finish your milk in one gulp, a hand lands on your shoulder.

 

You turn around. There's a groundkeeper, with a twinkle in the eye.

 

"Sumtin' got delivered to ya boy. A hadn't the heart ta make ya wait."

 

With a last smile, he drops a package on your lap, and sees himself out.

 

Now this is getting exciting, whatever can be in?

 

Exit 1

Parental approval. You'd recognise your mum's perfume anywhere, quick, open it!

 

TEST

Charm/Parental Approval Vs. 15 / 35 / 80

 

SUCCESS TEXT VS 15

The first thing you see is a letter. You avidly open it, and read:

 

"My little boy,

 

I hope this package will find you in time for your big day.

 

You're one step more towards adulthood, once step more to your independance.

(You notice a stain that looks suspiciously like a dry tear)

 

Your daddy and I are so proud, my boy. Do your best at school, we miss you.

 

Your mummy.

 

PS: A little something to encourage you in your studies"

 

Awww mum! You suddenly feel a little pang of homesickness. Shaking yourself, you decide to have a look in the box...

 

She made a sweater for you, and it fits like a glove. Dear old mum.

 

SUCCESS EFFECT VS 15

-2 stress

"Joy" state for the day

1 home-made sweater

 

SUCCESS TEXT VS 35

 

The first thing you see is a letter. You avidly open it, and read:

 

"My dear boy,

 

I hope this package will find you in time for your big day.

 

You're one step more towards adulthood, once step more to your independance.

(You notice some stains that look suspiciously like dry tears)

 

Your dadda and I are so proud, my cutie pie. Do your best at school, we miss you very much.

 

Your mummy that loves you.

 

PS: Some little things to encourage you in your studies"

 

Awww mum! You suddenly feel a pang of homesickness. Shaking yourself, you decide to have a look in the box...

 

She made a sweater for you, and it fits like a glove. And what's that? A handfull of caramels? Yummy!

 

SUCCESS EFFECT VS 35

-2 stress

"Joy" state for the day

1 home-made sweater

3 Caramel Chews

 

SUCCESS TEXT VS 80

 

The first thing you see is a letter. You avidly open it, and read:

 

"My dear, dear little baby boy,

 

I hope this package will find you in time for your big day my sweetie.

 

You're one step more towards adulthood, once step more to your independance.

(You notice some tiny areas that seem like they have not been drenched like the rest by what looks suspiciously like tears, it's a wonder the letter survived this treatment!)

 

Your loving daddy-daddou and I are so proud, my angel from heaven's heaven. Do your best at school, we miss you very much, oh dear god we miss you, come back soon my treasure.

 

Your little mummy that loves you more than anything and that would do anything for you she hopes you know that and take care of yourself and don't catch a cold.

 

PS: Some things to encourage you in your studies, we know it's not much but we also send you all our love and wishes."

 

Awww mum! You suddenly feel a great pang of homesickness. Shaking yourself, you decide to have a look in the box...

 

She made a sweater for you, and it fits like a glove. And what's that? A handfull of caramels? Yummy! Some Pims, can always help, and a brand new wand!

 

SUCCESS EFFECT VS 80

-2 stress

"Joy" state for the day

1 home-made sweater

3 Caramel Chews

+20 Pims

1 "Proof of eternal motherly love"

1 Birthday wand

 

FAILURE TEXT

The first thing you see is a letter. You avidly open it, and read:

 

"Kid,

 

I hope this package will find you, cause I've not paid for port, it's on you.

 

You're one step more towards adulthood, once step more to your independance.

(You notice a marking that looks suspiciously like "good riddance!")

 

When will you finally pull yourself together and act maturely, like your brothers and sisters?

 

We expect to see results, good resuslts, and we expect to see them soon. Now get to work.

 

Your parents, to whom you owe respect, in case you forgot.

 

PS: If you get expelled, don't bother finding your way home.

PS2: Found that in your room, as it is now Lea's, we thought of throwin the stuff out, but here you go."

 

You suddenly don't really feel like looking in that box. Here goes nothing...

 

That's... a collector issue of "Captain McSpell"! You thought you had lost it! What a great day!

 

FAILURE EFFECTS

-2 stress

"Joy" state for the day

-5 Pims

1 Collector Issue of "Captain McSpell"

 

OBJECTS STATISTICS

Home-made sweater

Fits you like a glove, let you feel home's warm love. With this on, nothing can go wrong! Appart may your social image?

-1 courtly fashion

-1 bully

+1 patience

+1 temperance

+1 confidence

+2 stress max

 

Caramel Chews

Same as game's

 

"Proof of eternal motherly love"

Makes you cry inside, to see that beautiful handwriting and the paper, bathed in a mother's tears. Can't find much stronger talismans.

+1 luck

+1 pure luck

 

Birthday wand

You got it for your birthday! After hand, it's actually quite a specialized wand, but you don't love it any less for it.

+1 Bespell and subskills

 

Collector Issue of "Captain McSpell"

Sure, you could sell it, for a LOT. Or you could keep it, and, in a pinch, be able to answer to the question. What Would Captain McSpell Do?

+1 courage

+1 flawless timing

+1 intimidation

 

Exit 2

Study level. Well after all you did send a couple of applications here and there for grants.

 

TEST

Intelligence/Highest study level Vs. 5 / 10 / 20

 

SUCCESS TEXT Vs. 5

In the package, you find a letter, looking very official. It reads:

 

"To whom it may concern,

 

We, of the altruistic foundation, have received your grant application.

 

We are pleased to say that you satisfy our minority minimum quotas clause.

 

We have hereby decided to grant you our special encouragement package.

 

Keep up the good work.

 

The altruistic foundation.

 

Today's students are tomorrow's future."

 

You look in the package. There is an additional letter for the funds, and a book called "Improving you studies, your twelve step guide to success!".

 

Better than nothing, you'd say.

 

SUCCESS EFFECTS Vs 5

+20 Pims

Book: "Improving you studies, your twelve step guide to success!"

 

SUCCESS TEXT Vs. 10

In the package, you find a letter, looking very official. It reads:

 

"To @your first name@,

 

We, of the altruistic foundation, have received your grant application.

 

We are pleased to say that we have noted of your above average efforts to rise over mediocrity.

 

We have hereby decided to grant you our special reward package.

 

Keep up the good work.

 

The altruistic foundation.

 

Today's students are our treasure."

 

You look in the package. There is an additional letter for the funds, a book called "Improving you studies, your twelve step guide to success!", and another book called "So here you are, near the top of the world. Care to take the next step?".

 

Alright!

 

SUCCESS EFFECTS Vs 10

+100 Pims

Book: "Improving you studies, your twelve step guide to success!"

Book: "So here you are, near the top of the world. Care to take the next step?"

 

SUCCESS TEXT Vs. 20

In the package, you find a letter, looking very official. It reads:

 

"Dear Mr/Ms @your full name@,

 

It is with great honour that we, of the altruistic foundation, have received your grant application.

 

By any possible scale, your level is truly amazing. We are at a loss of words faced with this kind of genius.

 

We have hereby decided to name you Student of the Year, and grant you our full support.

 

The world needs people like you, you are our raison d'être.

 

The altruistic foundation.

 

Forget today's students, YOU are the real deal."

 

You look in the package. There is an additional letter for the funds, a certificate naming you "Student of the year", and a little bundle of books obviously aimed at helping you.

 

Alright!

 

SUCCESS EFFECTS Vs 20

+500 Pims

Certificate: "Student of the year"

Book: "Improving you studies, your twelve step guide to success!"

Book: "So here you are, near the top of the world. Care to take the next step?"

Book: "Being a genius, a thorough lifeline to safeguarding your worth."

 

FAILURE TEXT

In the package, you find a letter, looking very official. It reads:

 

"Hey you,

 

We, of the altruistic foundation, have received your joke of a letter.

 

You think we're going to help you, dimwit? Learn to spell first!

 

We have hereby decided to grant you our special restraining order.

 

Keep away from us.

 

The altruistic foundation.

 

Today's students are crazy and hopeless."

 

You look in the package. There is an additional letter for the restraining order, you get to learn quite some interesting things from it.

 

On the plus side, when you show this to your friends, they believe it was totally on purpose you did that, your "prank" gets you huge respect!

 

Better than nothing, you'd say.

 

FAILURE EFFECT:

+1 Civil Law

+2 Practical Jokes

 

OBJECTS STATISTICS:

Certificate: "Student of the year"

As this states, you are the "student of the year". You can, once per week, show this to a teacher to remind him/her of that fact, earning you a direct +2 to the relation.

 

Book: "Improving you studies, your twelve step guide to success!"

Some things, to be clear, need to be in a book. And this book makes some things MUCH more clear.

+2 Study Habits

 

Book: "So here you are, near the top of the world. Care to take the next step?"

Very interesting book to read, it seeps ambition by all its... wait a minute, has it got pores?

+1 library knowledge

+1 confidence

 

Book: "Being a genius, a thorough lifeline to safeguarding your worth."

A book about geniuses, by geniuses, for geniuses. A lesser person would be lost by the reverse mirror writing. You're not.

+1 Persuasion

+1 Famous speeches

+1 Negotiation

 

Exit 3

Highest friendship. Hey, this seems to be coming from inside the school!

 

TEST

Charm/highest friendship Vs. 5 10 20

 

SUCCES Vs. 5

In the package, you find a letter, you know that handwriting!

 

"Hi @first name@!

 

Guess what, it's you B-day, you big lucky thing!

 

So I was there, thinking, you know, stuff. And then, I just couldn't get my mind of that stuff, so I had to do it, you know, or... whatever!

 

So, anyway, you've got the package, and I dare you to open it. Or maybe you shouldn't, lawl.

 

Do whatever, I mean, yeah. Happy B-day!

 

A friend who means well.

 

PS: Seriously, open it. If you don't guess who sent it, I'll be made lol."

 

You carefully weigh your options. On one hand, you're pretty sure you know where that comes from. On the other hand, this is a school of pranksters.

 

Ah, to hell with it! you nearly rip the parcel open in your rush to see what's inside...

 

It's a cake! With a note on it: "Bring that to the common room tonight, party for you!"

 

You've got great friends!

 

SUCCESS EFFECTS Vs. 5

-2 stress

Joy status

+1 befriend max

+1 playfulness

+1 courage

 

SUCCES Vs. 10

In the package, you find a letter, you know that handwriting!

 

"Mighty ho, @first name@!

 

Guess what, it's you B-day, you big lucky thing!

 

So I was there, thinking about how cool it is to know you, you know. And then, I just couldn't get my mind of something for you, so I had to do it, you know, or... whatever!

 

So, anyway, you've got the package, and I promise, you're gonna love it. I would, friend.

 

Seriously, I wish you a happy B-day!

 

You're so cool.

 

PS: Seriously, open it. I can't wait for you to see!"

 

Sure enough, the "mysterious sender" and you always take breakfast together. Now is the time to show class and refinment.

 

Ah, to hell with it! you nearly rip the parcel open in your rush to see what's inside...

 

It's a cake! With a note on it: "Bring that to the common room tonight, party for you!"

 

Embedded around it is a "lucky charm" chain, so cool! Several allowances must have gone into getting that one for you.

 

You've got great friends!

 

SUCCESS EFFECTS Vs. 10

-2 stress

Joy status

+1 befriend max

+1 playfulness

+1 courage

1 "Lucky Charm" chain

 

SUCCES Vs. 20

In the package, you find a letter, you know that handwriting!

 

"Hi @your first name@,

 

Ok, you literally saved my life in that school, and without you I'd be kind of... nothing, so the least I can do is to give you some real birthday, eh!

 

You're the most important person in my life, and I can NOT see myself without your friendship, that's what you mean to me. You're... quite the big deal.

 

So, anyway, you've got the package, I've spent a bit of time on it, so make it worth it, go wild.

 

Seriously, I wish you a happy B-day for the best BFF one has ever had in the history of ever!

 

PS: Seriously, open it. I can't wait for you to see!"

 

Sure enough, the "mysterious sender" and you always take breakfast together. So you're meant to go wild, eh!

 

You rip the parcel open in one smooth move, unable to keep a sound of pure glee from escaping your throat.

 

A full fledged firework erupts from the stuff, along with a humongous ghost orchestra playing your birthday song. Some teachers poke their head but, seeing the situation, grant you a quick smile and disappear away.

 

The ghost orchestra puts the final note, salutes, and goes its way. After an appreciative nod to your friend, you check the package.

 

It's a cake! With a note on it: "Bring that to the common room tonight, party for you!"

 

Embedded around it is a "lucky charm" chain, so cool! Several allowances must have gone into getting that one for you.

 

The show has been seen first hand by those at your table, earning you new found respect.

 

You've got great friends, that's one birthday you'll never forget!

 

SUCCESS EFFECTS Vs. 20

-2 stress

Joy status

+1 relation with 3 random students.

+1 befriend max

+1 playfulness

+1 courage

1 "Lucky Charm" chain

1 "Proof of eternal friendship"

 

FAILURE

In the package, you find a letter, you know that handwriting!

 

"Hi @your first name@,

 

Ok, you literally saved my life in that school, and without you I'd be kind of... nothing, so the least I can do is to give you some real birthday, eh!

 

You're the most important person in my life, and I can NOT see myself without your friendship, that's what you mean to me. You're... quite the big deal.

 

So, anyway, you've got the package, I've spent a bit of time on it, so make it worth it, go wild.

 

Seriously, I wish you a happy B-day for the best BFF one has ever had in the history of ever!

 

PS: Seriously, open it. I can't wait for you to see!"

 

So you're meant to go wild, eh! You have to say, you find it hard to pinpoint exactly who sent that letter, but, eh, seems like you're mister popular!

 

You rip the parcel open in one smooth move, unable to keep a sound of pure glee from escaping your throat.

 

A full fledged firework erupts from the stuff, with smokes and puffs and colours and bangs and clangs. It would be impressive, if it wasn't happening right in your face.

 

Shaken, dizzy, lost, you have a look around to find the culprit.

 

The show has been experienced first hand by those at your table, earning you some of the most murderous looks you've been given to see.

 

All is not lost, though, because you learned quite a couple of things, in the mist of this magic maelstrom. Plus, this precious little prank seems to be re-usable! The victim gets to be the predator eh!

 

You don't know who did that, but that's one birthday you'll never forget!

 

FAILURE EFFECTS

-1 relation with 3 random students.

+1 random glamour and incantation sub skill

1 "Prankster's master-work firework"

 

OBJECTS STATISTICS:

"Lucky Charm" chain

That's the trendy new and quite tasty lucky charm chain! With that around you, you're as good as invincible!

+1 Vitality max

+1 Stress max

+1 Danger sense

 

"Proof of eternal friendship"

This letter will stay with you until somebody else cleans your room, probably. But even after, it's memory will warm your heart.

+1 all befriend subskills

+1 confidence

 

"Prankster's master-work firework"

Make way for the master-work! With this little jewel in your possession, nobody's safe from a little... "instant makeover"

+2 practical jokes

+1 playfulness

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mecharm;

 

This is really fantastic- but something like this won't be in until Year 2. The reason is that the game (right now) does not allow you to choose your birthday, and as a result the event could seem completely out of place for your Character. Parental interaction is a significant part of Year 2, so don't worry: we haven't forgotten your special day. :)

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  • 4 weeks later...

The 3rd parent success should be rewarded with a "embarrassed" emotion as well though. "Your loving daddy-daddou and I are so proud, my angel from heaven's heaven." would certainly have my ears burning red, even if none of my friends were to read it. :)

 

The friend(s)' letter is a bit too... *cough* hip? in my opinion. I may be a bit old fashioned (and thus expect my games to be...) but 'lol', 'lawl', 'b-day' and such might need a small revision.

 

That said I think it truly is a great piece though. :P

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Getting that third parent's letter would be absolutely embarrassing. I'm tempted to say the letter itself should deflate your bullying skill by some amount. Your mother would be ashamed... and also, how can you be intimidating when you're carrying something like that around?

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Eek! I’m so sorry for being a party pooper, but I just have to say it – there were some words and phrases in this one that made me cringe:

 

1. ‘ain’t that cute’

‘Ain’t?’ I don’t know if that really fits the tone of the rest of the game.

 

2. ‘This is such a great day, man!’

Noooo! Please don’t say ‘man’! It’s very, er… very American. Very, very American.

 

3. "Sumtin' got delivered to ya boy. A hadn't the heart ta make ya wait."

The accent doesn’t need to be written in. Again, it seems very American to me. I’d much prefer a neutral narrative accent. Also, 'boy'?

 

4. ‘whatever can be in?’

Typo. Should be: ‘whatever could be in it?’

 

5. ‘"My little boy,’

Not something you want to read if you have a female character!

 

6. ‘once step more’

Typo. Should be ‘one step more’

 

7. ‘so proud, my boy’

Again with the boy!

 

8. ‘Your mummy.’

This sounds like she’s writing the letter to a 5 year old, not a teenager.

 

9. ‘your dadda’

Not as bad as ‘daddy’ (which also seems too childish), but inconsistent with ‘mummy’. Also, it smells of that forced narrative accent again.

 

10. ‘cutie pie’

I feel like I’m in the prose equivalent of an episode of Teletubbies.

 

11. ‘handfull ‘

Typo. Should be ‘handful’.

 

12. “"My dear, dear little baby boy”

What’s with all the boys! Also, if it was my mother writing this, I’d be wondering who gave her concussion at this point.

 

13. ‘my sweetie’

Again, this is addressed to a 13 year old.

 

14. ‘daddy-daddou and I are so proud, my angel from heaven's heaven’

Er - this one speaks for itself.

 

15. ‘and that would do anything for you she hopes you know that and take care of yourself and don't catch a cold.’

Bad grammar here.

 

16. ‘Some Pims, can always help’

Typo. Should be ‘Some Pims can always help’

 

17. ‘’cause’

Not such a big deal, but it sounds too colloquial compared to the rest of the game, in my opinion.

 

18. ‘like your brothers and sisters?’

I don’t like this at all. What if you want your character to be an only child? What if you want them to have only one brother? Only one sister? One brother and sister? Five brothers and no sister? What if they have the ‘favoured child’ background? This wouldn’t make any sense. It’s starting to dictate your character’s personal background, which I’m definitely against.

 

19. ‘good resuslts’

Typo. Should be ‘good results’.

 

20. ‘as it is now Lea's’

See #18. This is way too specific. It’s bad enough forcing my character to have at least four siblings, but I definitely don’t want my character to have a specific sibling called Lea, thank you very much!

 

21. ‘throwin’

Still not liking the fake narrative accent.

 

22. ‘We, of the altruistic foundation, have’

Typo. Should be ‘We of the altruistic foundation have’

 

23. ‘Improving you studies’

Typo. Should be ‘Improving your studies’

 

24. ‘noted of your above average’

Typo. Should be ‘noted your above average’

 

25. ‘raison d'être’

I’m not sure French is appropriate for a world in which France doesn’t exist. Of course, we have to write in English, but I’m assuming English is known as something else in the world of Academagia. Is there a similar substitute for French? If not, I don’t think this should be in here.

 

26. ‘dimwit’

Personal cringe word. Very American.

 

27. ‘they believe it was totally on purpose you did that, your "prank" gets you huge respect!’

Grammar. Should be ‘they believe you did that totally on purpose, and your “prank” gets you huge respect!’

 

28. ‘direct +2 to the relation’

Typo. Should be ‘direct +2 to your relationship’

 

29. ‘lawl’

For the love of god, don’t use this word. Ever.

 

30. ‘Do whatever, I mean, yeah. Happy B-day!’

‘Yeah?’ ‘B-day’? Again, sounds very American. It also sounds like one of those stoner characters from a sitcom. Not liking this.

 

31. ‘made lol’

Please, please, please don’t use this.

 

32. ‘Mighty ho’

Now I feel like I’m reading Lord of the Rings! (I’m not completely sure what ‘mighty ho’ is supposed to mean, though…)

 

33. ‘class and refinment’

Typo. Should be ‘class and refinement’

 

34. ‘some real birthday, eh!’

And now we’re in Canada.

 

35. ‘BFF ‘

Please, no more slang abbreviations!

 

36. ‘go wild, eh!’

Still in Canada.

 

37. ‘erupts from the stuff’

Not that bad, but I think a better word than ‘stuff’ should have been used here.

 

38. ‘Some teachers poke their head but,’

I think we should keep calling them Professors for the sake of consistency. Also, grammar typo. At the moment it reads a bit too much like ‘poke their headbutt’. Should be ‘Some Professors poke their heads around the corner (*or whatever else they could be poking their heads around*), but’

 

39. ‘orchestra puts the final note’

Typo. Should be ‘orchestra plays the final note’

 

40. ‘first hand’

Typo. ‘first-hand’

 

41. ‘new found’

Typo. ‘newfound’

 

42. ‘You've got great friends, that's one’

Grammar typo. ‘You’ve got great friends! That’s one’

 

43. ‘but, eh,’

Canada.

 

44. ‘you're mister popular!’

We’re now back to being boys-only again.

 

45. ‘with smokes and puffs’

Typo. ‘with smoke and puffs’

 

46. ‘the most murderous looks you've been given to see.’

I’m not actually sure about the grammar here, but I think it would look cleaner if it was worded differently. I’d say, ‘the most murderous looks you’ve ever seen.’

 

47. ‘the predator eh!’

ENOUGH WITH THE EH! Argh!

 

48. ‘it’s memory’

Typo. Should be ‘its memory’

 

 

 

Additionally, I thought there were several more instances of misplaced commas and grammar that needed fixing, but I gave up listing them all after a while. I can deal with a few extra commas here and there. The main things I see as issues are the phrases that deviate too far from the rest of the game in narrative tone.

 

I’m not a fan of the written accents in some parts, for example, and definitely not a fan of the soppy motherly letters. I can’t imagine any mother actually writing something like that. Perhaps they could get away with it if the child was very young, but I doubt anyone older would ever let their parents speak (or write) to them like that, let alone be pleased about it! Moreover, it doesn’t match half the family backgrounds, or the tone of the game’s writing in general. Even though Academagia is highly unrealistic in setting (which it has to be, of course), so far I’ve found the writing to be very true to life in that its characters have strong, realistic personalities. It’s written more like a drama than a sitcom, if that makes sense.

 

Similarly, the negative note from the Altruistic Foundation struck a real off note with me. A professional or charitable organisation (even a fantasy one!) would never write such a juvenile letter. If the application was that bad, they mightn't send a reply at all... but if they did, I imagine it would be cool and disinterested rather than reading like a child blowing raspberries. (Also, it makes no sense for them to disparage the entire student body based off of a single student's lousy application.) The negative parental letter was also a little overdramatic.

 

The Americanisms (and Canadianisms!) bother me. I think that standard English is definitely the way to go, or we'll eventually end up with characters saying "Yeah, dudemeister, it was totally sweet, man,' or 'And I'm like, you know, like, what-EV-ar, girlfriend!' or 'Me 'n me mates thought it were a right corker, it were, guv,' or 'Don't get yer bloody knickers in a knot, crikey! Let's get somma those prawns on the barbie, mate!' or 'You're so kawaii, Pamela ne-chan!'. And bringing chatspeak into such a well-written game is nothing short of heresy, surely! Can you imagine a random event written like this?

 

'LOL u can has noms in dining hall wiv ur bestest kittehs!!!'

 

*shudder*

 

The worst parts are the bits that make assumptions about the player’s character. The whole point of the game, in my opinion, is to choose your character’s background and develop them into a unique character. By giving every character a set family with brothers and sisters (one of whom is called ‘Lea’), it takes away a lot of that feeling of creating your own story. No, I’m not a fan of that. Nor am I a fan of the birthday event happening to boys only. :)

 

I feel like a party-pooping grammar nazi after writing this, but I'm speaking out before 'lawl' ends up in Academagia!

 

That said, there were good things about this event! I like the overall idea of having something happen on the character's birthday, and I love the way it's related to parent approval and friendship. The concept is sound - it's just the writing that needs improvement.

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Maybe I'm just someone who speaks 'international English', but I have to say that your localisms aren't very localized anymore. 'Eh' may irritate you but I have friends around the world who use that. That and 'bloody' both show up in my vocalizations commonly. Similarly, the phrase 'Don't get yer bloody knickers in a knot, crikey' took a moment of processing to figure out where you were trying to localize it to. I didn't understand until I thought about the word 'barbie', which is the only truly Aussie term in the entire pair of sentences.

 

This is all in spite of coming from the Midwest USA. The linguistic folklore I'm aware of paints my home region as one of the bastions of true standard English with a culture of good diction and relatively few localisms. The use of the global internet and other media is causing dialects to glom together all over the world. The only other language I've studied is French - but I've noticed it there too. The local dialects are drifting together and some of them have entirely lost distinction when rendered in text.

 

That part aside, you aren't being a party-pooping grammar nazi. Actually, you're braver than I was. I couldn't even bear to give the work deep line-for-line thought to edit it. Complaints about grammar transcend localisms. "Sumtin' got delivered to ya boy. A hadn't the heart ta make ya wait." That's not 'American'. That's just bad grammar and unclear diction. These things are universal. They are not good form in writing. Good dialogue can be ignored in its details and the meaning extracted from it. Only when bad grammar and unclear diction are part of the meaning are they good things to render into an event. For instance, during one event there is a troll with terrible grammar. One of the event responses is to talk to him about how to speak more clearly. The event wouldn't make sense if what he said had been rendered in standard English. This case should probably be rendered as, "Something got delivered to you, boy. I hadn't the heart to make you wait."

 

I believe there are a few other events where the character is referred to as 'boy' or 'girl'. There's probably a flip tag for just that. It's a common (and disrespectful) thing adults say to children.

 

All in all, I have to agree. This event is a good idea but it really should be completely rewritten.

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Community events or stories are edited before making it into the game, so I wouldn't worry about it. They will also want to maintain uniformity I'm sure.

 

The way I see it, this is a creative space where people brainstorm and write their events as they come to them. Furthermore, a lot of us on this forum are not native English speakers. Ertael, I see, lives in Denmark. The idea is to encourage participation from everyone. Black Chicken then makes the necesary corrections and modifications.

 

Sometimes I'm finding in the game an average of almost one typo per day my character goes through. There are a couple of people reporting them on a regular basis, why don't you give us a hand? I personally am not the best typo hunter since English is a language that I have learned later than earlier in life. The typo thread is in the Support section of this forum. Please join us in our quest to make this great game typo free! :)

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Similarly, the phrase 'Don't get yer bloody knickers in a knot, crikey' took a moment of processing to figure out where you were trying to localize it to. I didn't understand until I thought about the word 'barbie', which is the only truly Aussie term in the entire pair of sentences.

Haha, I know! I'm Australian myself. :) I was trying to think of the most stereotypical and unrealistic phrases possible in order to make a point (nobody I know actually says 'crikey', for instance). It's hard to think of stereotypical Australian slang even for me, because most people I know don't actually use stereotypical slang (it's mainly only old people who use it these days). I don't know if many people from overseas would have heard the more common slang before, because it doesn't tend to be in the overseas media much. If I ever found it in a fantasy story, I think my eyebrows would shoot off my forehead.

 

What if I wrote this? "Some bogan deros were hooning around in a ute in the middle of the footy this arvo." Is that any better? Think it would work in Academagia? :P

 

Oh well, I'm not a linguistics expert, anyway. I just read and write a lot and figure it out intuitively for the most part. If I was a character in Academagia, I'd probably only have a skill of 7 or 8 in grammar. :P

 

 

Danae - Alright, why not? I noticed several typos in the game earlier, but since everyone else seemed to be doing a good job of reporting them, I didn't think I needed to. If you need more typo-hunters, however, I can join in. :)

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I'm pretty sure there are typos lurking in events especially, because one person doesn't see all exit screens. And obviously one person doesn't get to see all events even after many, many, playthroughs.

 

Glad you're joining the fun! :P

 

I hate typos :)

 

Edit: oh, if you see a typo in an event, please press F12 and it will show you a name and number. Identifying the event that way will help the developers locate and correct the typo much more easily.

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Haha, I know! I'm Australian myself. :P I was trying to think of the most stereotypical and unrealistic phrases possible in order to make a point (nobody I know actually says 'crikey', for instance). It's hard to think of stereotypical Australian slang even for me, because most people I know don't actually use stereotypical slang (it's mainly only old people who use it these days). I don't know if many people from overseas would have heard the more common slang before, because it doesn't tend to be in the overseas media much. If I ever found it in a fantasy story, I think my eyebrows would shoot off my forehead.

 

What if I wrote this? "Some bogan deros were hooning around in a ute in the middle of the footy this arvo." Is that any better? Think it would work in Academagia? :P

 

Crikey is a silly thing to say for certain, but if the character who said it was goofy to begin with, I'd probably not notice. Or else I'd laugh.

 

As for the other phrase, I've not a clue what you said! It looks like it shares nothing with the English language save grammar and glue. ;)

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  • 5 weeks later...

There was taken messures for that, around halfway down you'll notice exit 2 and a bit later exit 3, which allows people with low parential love to find kindness (and/or) money elsewhere :)

 

It's just another one of those little things we can loof forward to in the second year.

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