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Seeking Thy Shadow


thezooqueen
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Zoo: you give up too easily. :) It looks good so far; I have a fanfiction account too (gotta remember my login info...) so I can do some proofreading.

 

Some grammar/typos, but in terms of actual constructive thing... I think reading it, the main thing for me was that even though the game is very heavy in dialogue, it makes up for that by having the emotions and chibis to exaggerate/illustrate certain moods. When just reading it as a story, I find myself having to make the mental images myself. A few descriptives, like 'Sadie smiles as she says "...."' or 'Anna blanches with a look of terror normally only provoked by her mother's horses' (going the gamut from simple to super-silly and long) would make it flow a bit better.

 

I do want to see what happens next! Is this meant to be set after the events in game?

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Zoo: you give up too easily. :) It looks good so far; I have a fanfiction account too (gotta remember my login info...) so I can do some proofreading.

 

Some grammar/typos, but in terms of actual constructive thing... I think reading it, the main thing for me was that even though the game is very heavy in dialogue, it makes up for that by having the emotions and chibis to exaggerate/illustrate certain moods. When just reading it as a story, I find myself having to make the mental images myself. A few descriptives, like 'Sadie smiles as she says "...."' or 'Anna blanches with a look of terror normally only provoked by her mother's horses' (going the gamut from simple to super-silly and long) would make it flow a bit better.

 

I do want to see what happens next! Is this meant to be set after the events in game?

Thanks I will go back over the story and add more descriptives.

Yes this is post game. Likely summer before school starts as she is still in Professor Nigels class. I am assuming Blake is not longer there. I was taking the assumption that. He was incharge of advanced courses. Therefore Nigle would likely be in charge of all classes till they find a replacement Professor.

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That sounds more like the period, yeah, although she could probably charter a seaplane to take her Puerto Rico.

 

From Texas? She would still have to island hop. Also given the time of year she would encounter [Redacted] *I should not give away any hints hehe* Just trust me she does not want to be in a plane or on a boat going from Texas to Puerto Rico. hehe

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