12 posts in this topic

Is it odd for me to start this thread? Egal.

What I'd like to collect are some german jokes. But not jokes from germany but about germany.

In germany we know a few evil jokes about other countries and I wondered: It has to be the other way round as well. And I think it improves anyones Fanfic's if he knows them as reference. XD

As example what I'm looking for I provide two jokes about the french*. No real harm or insult intended.

"Why are there so many avenues in france?" -

 

"So the german soldiers don't have to march in the sun's heat."



"Why is the Eiffel-tower so very high?" -

 

"So you can see the white flag in Berlin."

I hope this thread won't be taken down.

*In the hope the french can take them easy.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is a great thread...provided that you're just as willing to enjoy the jokes about Germany. :)

"Tell me, what are you going to do after the war?"

"I'm finally going to take a vacation and see all of Germany."

"And what are you going to do in the afternoon?"

;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
2 hours ago, Legate of Mineta said:

This is a great thread...provided that you're just as willing to enjoy the jokes about Germany. :)

"Tell me, what are you going to do after the war?"

"I'm finally going to take a vacation and see all of Germany."

"And what are you going to do in the afternoon?"

;)

What's the difference between Yoghurt and Americans?

Yoghurt has it's own culture.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This one's old and kinda well known but funny to me none the less.

A German Coast guardsman stands the radio watch when suddenly a distress call comes over the speakers in English.

Unknown ship: Mayday! Mayday! This is the passenger liner Elizabeth, we are taking on water! Repeat, We are sinking!"

The German Coast Guardsman remembers as much english as he can to decipher the message before responding.

"Vhat are you sinking about?"

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Why was there never a coup d'état in the USA?
 

Spoiler

There's no US embassy.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
51 minutes ago, Legate of Mineta said:

Hey, that's not period appropriate. :)

Surprisingly so, but why has it to be? ;)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, “Did you ever kill anyone?”

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, “Probably. I was the cook.”

(It's not my story but I like the formatting, so I left it in First person.)

 

And from comedian Dick Gregory:

When I lost my rifle, the Army charged me $85. That’s why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

A classic one. An RAF pilot goes to a primary school to talk about what it was like during the war. At one point he starts talking about one sortie he went out on.

"There was me and my wingman, just flying over the cliffs of Dover, when all of a sudden two Fokkers jumped us and I had to break off."

Theres some snickering as he continues on.

"Fortubately my squadron leader was able to come to our help just as another three Fokkers engaged us."

The snickering continues until the teacher speaks up.

"Children, please. Stop snickering. The Fokker was the name of a German plane."

The pilot looks at her and says: "Yeah but these Fokkers were in Messerschmidts."

1 person likes this

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I know a  a couple jokes about Germans 

Why do Germans drive the Mercedes?
Because they have a
viewfinder in the front and feel like in a Tiger.

 

Three Germans walk into a BAR.

 

Gdzie leżą Niemcy? Pod Stalingradem.

Polish joke with wordplay from the occupation of Poland.

 

There are two trenches: German and Polish.
And so they fight with each other, they shoot themselves, but so far none of the parties hit. Until finally one of the Poles said:
- What is the most popular German name?
- Hmmmm ... maybe Hans?
- ABOUT! Good! We scream Hans and maybe some deer will go out and shoot him. And they scream:
- Hans!
- Ja!? - The kraut leaned out ... JEB! Got a
bullet .
- Hans!
- Ja!? - JEB! Next...
- Hans!
- Ja!? - JEB!
And so they beat them up, there were only a few ... They 
think and think:
- Maybe we will do that too?
- JA! What is the popular Polish name?
- Maybe Zdzichu?
- Ja gut!
And they scream:
- Zdzichu!
- (silence)
- Zdzichu!
- (silence)
- Zdzichu!
- Zdzicha is not there, is on vacation ... It's you Hans?
- Ja! - JEB!

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Shirogane said:

I know a  a couple jokes about Germans 

I know a lot of german polish jokes. None of them is war related. They were the only jokes about a non-german group of people you got told in the school yard frequently. Usually a car was involved in those jokes.
And I remember the existence of a similar german(!) joke about Stalingrad.... but can't put it together. If I find it, I post it.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now